My "New" Life

So I have officially been a Mommy for just about 5 weeks. It is very different from what I thought it would be. I never thought I could be a Mom, let alone enjoy it. It has been very demanding at times with getting up multiple times in the middle of the nite to feed and to soothe a screaming little person who cannot tell you why they are upset. Or delaying my own needs, like eating and showering because he needs something from me more. But it is so rewarding when that same little person is wide awake and looks you in the eyes, or when you look at them and realize "I made you". I never thought I would catch myself saying this, but I am going to be really sad when I have to go back to work. I really don't want to miss one little milestone.

The Big Day

I know this happened a while ago but I have been a little busy!!

Hunter Thomas Lile was born to Heather and Jacob Lile on December 16
at 11:39 pm. He was 8lbs 8oz and was 20.5 inches long.

I was induced on 12/15 at 9:30pm since I was over due. They started
by giving me cytotec behind my cervix overnite to help it dilate (I
went in at 1-2 cm and 50% effaced). I started having frequent
contractions, but I didn't really feel them all nite. At 10am on
12/16 my OB came in and broke my water. Within about 30 minutes I
started having contractions that I could feel. I spent the next 7
hours breathing, walking, rocking and sitting on a birthing ball to
get thru the contractions. I was having severe back labor because my
little man was face up and chin up. After 7 hours of labor I had only
progressed to 4cm and my baby was still high. I was not handling the
contractions well anymore as I was exhausted. My RN (who was gung-ho
natural birth) advised me to try a little fentanyl to see if it would
take the edge off. I was very hesitant because as you all may
remember, I very much wanted a natural birth. It did but only for
about 15 minutes. It was at this point that my RN advised me to get
an epidural. She said that since I was making little to no progress
that getting the epidural may prevent me from getting a c-section. I
really didn't want an epidural but I wanted a c-section even less.
The anesthesiologist came in and put the epidural in in about 5
minutes and within 10 minutes I felt better and could relax. About an
hour and a half later, the nite shift RN came in and was looking at
the monitor and said that my baby's heart beat kept going down, I was
also feeling a lot of pressure. She got the anesthesiologist to give
me a bolus on my epidural and she decided to check me, at that point
they saw that I was 9.5 cm dilated and almost ready to push. I
started pushing within the next 45 minutes or so but it was difficult
since I was very numb. I pushed for about an hour when my OB came
in. She said that the baby was still pretty high and with his
presentation he may be very difficult to push out and that I would
probably need a c-section. I told her that I was not tired and to let
me keep pushing a little longer. My Mom and Hubby tell me that she
said she would give me 20 more minutes. So I started pushing like
there was no tomorrow and within about 30 minutes or so I could see
the top of my baby's head. My RN was very surprised I was able to get
him down that far. My OB came in to deliver me and I don't remember
much as I was in excruciating pain since my epidural had worn off and
because of how my baby was presenting. All I remember is that I was
getting very nauseated with every push and was very concerned about
pushing out more than a baby :). I also remember feeling like I had
very little control over what my body was doing. Towards the end my
OB tried to use the vacuum but it wouldn't go on my baby's head, but
in the next moment, I was somehow able to push my baby out. I found
out later from my RN that I was moments away from being whisked off to
the OR. My OB also told me that she could not believe that I was able
to get my baby out on my own.
Unfortunately our adventure did not end there. Since little Hunter at
8lbs 8oz was considered large for gestational age they had to check
his blood sugars. His blood sugar an hour after birth was only 40
(low normal is 45). The RN had me give him some formula and then let
me breast feed him for 10 minutes. His blood sugar was still only 41
so he had to go to the nursery to be given more formula and to be
monitored for about 90minutes. He was brought back to me for about an
hour and when they checked him again he was still low so he had to go
back to the nursery again for 3 hours we got him back one more time but
within an hour it was found that his sugars were low again. To make a
long story short, our little guy stayed in the Special Care Nursery
for 4 days. He was on an IV of glucose and his sugars were checked
every three hours. I got discharged without him, which was one of the
hardest things I have ever done. After an additional 36 hours of
monitoring off of the glucose drip and me proving that I could provide
plenty of breast milk and with strict instructions to feed him every 3
hours we finally got to bring our baby home on Sunday 12/21 at 5pm.
These first few days have been interesting because we didn't get to
care for our baby until he came home. He is mild mannered and lets
us know when he is hungry and eats like a champ.
We were very lucky to be cared for by excellent nurses and doctors at
both Sequoia Hospital and at the Lucille Packard Satellite Nursery
there. My husband and I have decided that if we have another child,
we will travel any distance to be cared for there again.

Family Matters

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am not terribly close with my siblings. I am 5 years older than my sister and 8 years older than the baby, my brother. My brother called me yesterday after I hadn't talked to him in about 2-3 months. The conversation started off well with small talk, I told him that Jake and I were getting ready for the arrival of our baby in about 3 weeks. Jerrod then asked me if he could 'crash' at our place for three weeks since he was in San Francisco. I told him no nicely and then told him that I had to go and hoped he had a safe trip back to Las Vegas. 20 minutes later I got a text message from him asking for $20 to help him get home. Again I told him no. This is a perfect example as to why I am not close to my brother and as to why I am 'hand-picking' my children's Aunts and Uncles. Some of my family tell me that I need to accept my brother for who he is, but I can not because I really and truly hope that one day he will become a better person.

Maternity Leave

So my OB put me on Maternity Leave early. I was somewhat expecting to work at the most 3 more weeks and 1 more week at the least. She put me on leave mostly because of my job (I am a RN and I work 12 hour night shifts) but also because my blood pressure has been going up steadily since I became pregnant, I have been having some foot and hand swelling and that I am spilling protein into my urine (TMI?). Granted my B/P isn't terribly high but the other things are all symptoms of pre-eclampsia. I am not very nervous about this, my Mom had pre-eclampsia when she was pregnant with me and she said it was okay. I guess I am mostly nervous about going on leave so early because it might be a little of an economic hardship. I am also concerned that having all this time off wil give me too much time to worry about things...since that is what I do best...worry. I guess I will just have to find things to keep me busy.

Long Distance Relationships.

My Mom and I are very close. I talk to her almost every day. The thing is she lives in Las Vegas. I hate that she lives so far away. It seems like every time I see her, no matter how long it is for, it is never long enough. I am excited to have her come and stay with us for 2 weeks after the baby is born, but I know it will be very difficult for me to let her go. It makes me feel silly that I get so emotional when it is time for us to part, but I guess I will always be my Mommy's little girl.

Strange Dreams

Pregnancy brings with it many side effects, many of which I have experienced (nausea, swelling, bleeding gums, indigestion, etc.). Which confuses me to how women can not know they are pregnant, but that is another post in itself. The symptom of pregnancy that has bothered me the most has been the strange dreams that I have. These dreams have kept me from getting quality sleep for the past 6 months. These dreams are so vivid and real it is almost like I am either really there, or watching them on TV, so my brain isn't really resting. Most of the time I don't remember these dreams I just know that they are very strange.
However, when I woke up at 3:30 this morning I remembered quite a bit of my dream. This dream is interesting to me because it shows how much our brains absorb what goes on around us. Last nite I watched the show Intervention, which was about a young woman addicted to Meth. Last nite I dreamed that myself, Jake, my cousin Ethan and some random guy were addicted to smoking cheese, like in a pipe!! It was pretty strange. Most of the dream was us running around some huge park at nite in the rain trying to 'score' cheese. Before I woke up, I was really trying to get Jake and Ethan to quit because our boss (apparently we worked together) was becoming suspicious of us. So Ethan and Jake were going to clean out the car that we shared to get rid of any more cheese that we had. When I went to check on them they were standing in the parking garage smoking the cheese out of a hooka.
I am not saying that any of my dreams make sense, I am just saying....no wonder I am so freaking tired all of the time...look at what my mind is doing when I am supposed to be resting!!!

Should be glad I have a job??

Haven't been on in a while...been busy with getting ready for our baby that is due in December and with the hubby going back to Grad School. Sometimes I can't believe how crazy life can get in such a short time. But I have to admit, as crazy as it is I am so excited about all of the wonderful changes that are coming our way.
However with every thing good, comes the bad. Work has really sucked lately. The hospital that I work for had one of the most profitable years in a long time last year (not my opinion, the CEO sent a letter to everyone thanking us all for our hard work). Despite this, the hospital is tightening its belt and cutting back. They have instituting a hiring freeze and are trying to implement a wage freeze, I don't want a raise particularly, but I do think it is dangerous to stop hiring staff. They are also drastically understaffing us on a daily basis. I don't get upset when we are busy but I do get upset when we are so busy that it puts patient safety at risk. Two patients fell the other nite because we were so busy. The last thing is that all of this stress has caused a lot of tension between day and nite shift. I have worked nites almost as long as I have worked and I take a lot of pride in my work. I am getting tired of hearing that nites has it better than days and that we don't do anything. I am hoping that things get better soon because I don't like feeling like my work is not appreciated.
My biggest pet peeve is that management keeps telling us "Yes times are tough, but we should all be happy we have a job."